'Kayso (as Ninja Girl would say, who BTW is thus far having an exceptionally dapper week and could use some glitter vibes sent her way), I would really, really like to leave this story alone now, by which I mean I'd like to surreptitiously abandon it somewhere under an overpass on a scrubby hillside that smells faintly of urine, it seated heavily next to some gold medalist's tattered PR failure